Hi, I'm Chizelle, a writer, speaker and sometimes mentor.
My message/purpose/mission has always been the same. To teach, inspire and empower women all over the world to know, love and adore themselves so that they can create and live the life of their dreams, knowing with every cell in their body that the world needs them.
AND most importantly that pleasure and play are the way to get you there.
These are the three things I want to share with you most of all.
The three things I wish we all learned when we were young.
The three things I believe can and will make a difference to you and how you see your ability to create and live the life of YOUR dreams.
welcome to my wonderland
This is my ego (I call her Queen Belle). Sadly she’s not happy to meet you. She thinks you’re here to hurt me in some way. Hurt me. Reject me. Ridicule me. Betray me. Abandon me.
She’s always looking out for me, the same way I know the Universe is always looking out for me. She loves me as deeply and as fiercely as the Universe, this I also know is true. She wants just as much for me. She just has slightly different priorities. It’s this slight differences that make the big… well, difference.
My ego wants me to have everything the Universe wants for me but her first priority is to keep me safe.
Safe from what?
Safe from any harm, of course. Safe from all the things I’m scared of. Safe from others harming me. Safe from loss. Safe from betrayal. Safe from ridicule.
How does she intend to keep me safe?
My ego assesses any current situation on a past that she deems relevant. For example, as a teenager I was horribly bullied at school. Because of this, any time I come close to having a friendship with a woman, my ego will start whispering in my ear, reminding me of high school, reminding me how I felt, warning me not to trust this person, warning me of the way it was.
She’ll even go so far as to let me know that maybe those girls were right about the things they said about me.
She’s not doing this to be mean. She just doesn’t want me to get hurt. She wants me to be safe. She doesn’t want to see me crying or broken-hearted again. She doesn’t want me to doubt myself or to think I’m not good enough.
Because she knows I am enough and it breaks her heart to see me so sad or so unsure of myself. So she does everything within her power to stop that from happening.
Unfortunately my ego’s most effective tools are fear, guilt and a feather-soft touch of resentment.
She’ll whisper all the things she knows I’m scared of. She’ll bring up perfectly innocent moments from the past and twist and shape them to suit her needs. She’ll prey on my weaknesses. She’ll use guilt on me like an artist creates a final stroke on his masterpiece.
Then she’ll dive deeper into her repositories of condescension, superiority and disdain, all the while telling me that this is for my own good…
That she’s only doing this because she loves me. That this hurts her more than it hurts me. And she’s telling the truth. At least about the loving me. The rest not always as much or as often as she would like to believe.
The thing is, my ego is limited. She’s limited in her information. She’s limited in her thinking. And she’s limited with her tools.
She only knows the past and only from her perspective. She only has what she has to work with. Her strongest tool is her persistence. She’s not going anywhere. She’s sticking around. She’s in this for the long-term. In sickness and in health, in wealth and in poverty, ‘til death do us part.
She may go away for the occasional dirty weekend. She may even take an extended vacation to escape winter. But she always comes back. And so I’ve come to love and accept her the way that I love and accept the way the Universe is looking out for me.
In fact, she’s almost like another mother to me. A slightly over-protective mother. A mother who simply wants the best for her child.
So, I speak to her when she comes. I listen to her voice her fears; my fears. I pay attention to her words of doom and gloom. I allow her to express her concerns. I understand when she starts screeching and screaming in a tone so high-pitched only dogs should be able to hear it.
At the same time, I give her the same love and respect that I give the Universe. And when she’s had her say, and only when she’s complete, do I speak.
I thank her for her love. I thank her for always being by my side. I thank her for wanting to look after me, for wanting to protect me. I thank her for everything she’s done, for everything she’s said. I tell her how much I love and appreciate her.
I remind her that the Universe, too, is looking out for me and that it has an excellent track record that we can’t ignore. I remind her that even though I can hardly believe it’s true myself, I am a grown-up now.
I remind her that I need to create and live the life of my dreams, and in order to do that, there’s always risk of failure, of being hurt. I remind her that she’ll always be a part of my life, but I need to run the show.
And finally, we embrace, and walk hand-in-hand towards and into my future, the one I’m creating with the Universe walking alongside us, too.
the call of the moon
And as always I feel the pull of the moon.
The pull to go within.
The pull to feel what I’ve been avoiding.
Holding on to what no longer serves me, yes this is an ongoing game.
With every expansion there are changes, perceived losses, releasing.
Shining your light on all the areas I’m still playing small.
Shining your light on all the places I’m not showing up fully, or even at all.
Shining your light on promises broken, intentions unfulfilled, amplifying what I said I would do but didn’t.
I feel the tension, the tension between us, the tension between alignment and compromising myself for peace, for quiet, for something other than my Soul’s desires.
I feel the anger and resentment rise and then fall, knowing it’s not at all the truth.
I feel the energy, the expansion, the space as I release the old, as I release myself from what was not done and I bathe in the perfection of the moment.
I feel you gently guiding me back home, inwards, within.
And I feel myself realign again and begin again.
And all is well, and all is wonderful, and all is love and stardust and magic.
And I allow it.
And I accept it.
And I receive it.
Photo credit: https://unsplash.com/@markpnw10
protecting your heart
“Whatever you do, child, do not let it be at the cost of your beautiful heart.“
~ Ming-Jun, Sense8
This line. This line says it so beautifully.
Whatever you do today, do not let it be at the cost of your beautiful heart.
Before you compromise with your workmate, your boss, your partner I want you to look into your heart and ask her what she wants.
Before you once again put everything before your art, look into your heart.
Before you say yes to be nice, breathe into your heart and ask it what that yes is making something else be a no.
Before you hide yourself.
Before you dim your light.
Before you shrink down.
Before you tone down.
Before you laugh a little softer.
Before you censor your speech.
Before you do the “work” rather than create your art.
Before you stop to consider if you should really say what you think, be who you want to be, want what you want.
Before you do any or all of these things today, consider the cost to your beautiful heart.
Your hopes, your dreams, your desires, they’re all in your heart. That’s where they begin and that’s where they grow.
The more you ignore them, the more you close your heart down.
Because what else can you do?
The pain of knowing you’re not living your life, living your purpose, living your dream would be too...well heart breaking if you didn’t.
The more you put everyone else’s needs before yours, the more you block the flow of love from and to your heart.
The more you say yes to others when it means no to your art, to your message, to your purpose the harder your heart gets.
It needs to.
It’s protecting itself, which I know you understand.
Without our heart, without our softness, without our love what are we?
Without our message, without our purpose, without our art what do are we doing?
We can keep living this half-lived life.
We can keep pretending that we’re happy, that all is well.
We can keep going on like this until the day we can’t.
But do you want to?
Is that how you want to live?
I don’t believe it is, and I don’t think you believe it either.
You know you are here for more and you KNOW the difference you’re here to make.
And you and I both know that you need that beautiful heart open wide, whole and complete to do it.
So whatever you do today, please, please, please don’t let it be at the cost of your beautiful heart.
In every moment of every day, we will be given opportunities to come from love.
The choice is always ours.
As we make breakfast for our family.
As we kiss our man, our woman, our children goodbye.
As we get ready for work ourselves.
As we begin our work day.
Each time we speak to our clients, our manager, our boss, our employees.
Each time we go into a meeting, attend a teleconference, make a call.
Each time we speak to ourselves!
Every person we meet.
Every place we go.
Every situation we encounter.
We can act from love, speak from love, be love.
The choice is always ours.
Coming from love doesn’t mean we let people walk all over us.
Coming from love doesn’t mean putting ourselves last.
Coming from love doesn’t mean forgetting ourselves altogether.
Sometimes coming from love means saying no.
Sometimes coming from love means setting boundaries and being firm in keeping them in place.
Sometimes coming from love means walking away.
Coming from love means acting loving, speaking in a loving tone, a loving manner.
Coming from love means BE-ing love.