Surrender, Release, Trust
For someone who likes to be in control of every aspect of her life, or at least is very happy to live under the illusion that she has total control the three words above are not the ones she wants to hear.
When something I knew I wanted more than anything, something I'm 110% committed to, something I was happy to call my Life Purpose (and important enough to capitalise those words) is called into question then those three words are absolutely terrifying.
So of course I did what any "normal" person would do.
I tried to think it through, I applied logic to the situation, "I said I wanted it, so therefore I must."
I tried to be rational about it, "This is an amazing opportunity that you believe the world needs, so why wouldn't you want it?"
I tried to reason with myself, "It's just fear holding you back."
The problem is, that no matter how much thinking, how many pro and con lists I make I'm not getting any closer to having an answer.
And so it's time.
Time to surrender.
Time to throw it all up in the air.
Time to release it.
Let it all go. All I dreamed of. All I planned. All I wished for.
Time to trust.
Trust that if it's mine it will still be there.
Trust that what remain is mine to keep.
Trust that what leaves no longer serves me any longer.
Trust that there's something else for me and that you can have more than one Life Purpose.
Trust the Universe.
Trust that others really want what's best for me too (rather than going into old stories and patterns of not being good enough).
Trust in myself. That deep down I also know what's best for me in this moment. That deep down I know that honouring my Soul and my path is what serves me and everyone else best.
What's going to come out of this?
I do know though that the only way I want to get to the other side of this is to go through it.